A Time of Restoration

Survival Mode. That's been our life the last few months. We have gone to work, taken care of the day-to-day necessities, and maybe even outwardly seemed like things were going okay. That's how this grief thing works. It ebbs and flows--threatening at times to swallow us whole, yet at other times making it look like we have it all together. This summer, it didn't feel like I had much of anything together.

Almost opposite work schedules and Jeremy's busy-ness in the worlds of golf and bowling did not give the guys and me much time together at all. We were always going, going, going--and even when we did happen to be home at the same time, we just weren't connecting. Something needed to give.

And then came Camp Nate. Several months back (in the spring sometime), a fellow bereaved mom shared info about a camp geared for families who have lost children to cancer. I did some research and came to the conclusion it would be a nice getaway for the guys and me. It would take place in August just before school started, making it a great sendoff to summer. At the time, I had no clue just how much we would need the experience. But God did.

Set at Young Life's Trail West Lodge in Buena Vista, Colorado, Camp Nate has a mission of "finding hope after loss and rebuilding families who have suffered so greatly." It would include moments of remembrance while at the same time provide opportunities to create new memories. It was just what this weary trio needed.

We began our road trip to Colorado on the morning of Paige's birthday. I had no giant waves of grief washing over me that day, only an incredible peace. A sense of certainty knowing we were doing the right thing for our family at that time. Maybe it was the fact we were heading to one of the most beautiful places in the United States. Maybe it was God leading us to some much-needed time together. All I know is that it was just right.

That drive. Oh my goodness. It was loooooong. There's a stretch of north Texas where there is basically nothing. Seriously, nothing. For miles. We crossed into New Mexico and got our first views of taller landforms--even a volcano. We crossed the state line into Colorado the next morning, and there we saw mountains. Real mountains. It was like we were in another world.

We made our way to the lodge in Buena Vista and were immediately taken aback by the view. Everywhere we looked we saw the incredible handiwork of God. Mountains so perfectly placed they looked like layers in a painting. Trees everywhere--for all kinds of purposes. Hammock holders. Disc Golf obstacles. Mountain beautifiers. The whole setting was simply breathtaking--figuratively and literally (we were at about 8600 feet elevation, after all). Catching your breath was part of the daily activities.

And oh...the daily activities. The Family Challenge and Horseless Rodeo began with silly tasks for points and bragging rights and later included a tug-of-war battle for the ages that Boyce is still feeling. It was so much fun. There were smaller-group activities, like the Jeep ride up the side of a mountain that took us to an old mining town where we fed chipmunks right out of our hands.

There was even time for the three of us to just hang out. Jeremy found the Disc Golf course our first day there, and the word "golf" should have clued me in he would be good at it. Boyce was even pretty good at it. Me, not so much. No matter how I tried, I kept throwing the thing so far right that if not for the trees surrounding us it might have ended up back in Houston. The competitor in me didn't even mind I was losing. What mattered was that we were having a great time--and we were together.

A group hike of 1.5 miles took us a little further up the mountain from our lodge. Considering the elevation, it was a challenge--but so worth every single step. At the top we witnessed a view so spectacular it brought tears to my eyes. A butterfly release honoring our sweet children made the time on that mountain even more special. I felt closer to Paige. I felt the amazing presence of God. I felt unexplainable peace. Something changed in me on that mountaintop. Maybe it was a perspective thing. Maybe it was a purpose thing. I'm still trying to figure out what, but it was a change for the better--that's for sure.

I could go on about the week's incredible experiences. A trail ride that had me questioning whether my 'elderly' horse would make it down the mountain. Jeremy conquering the treetop ropes course. Boyce's determination to do every activity he possibly could--hurt hip and all. Worship songs and silly songs. Skits that had us laughing more than we had in a very long time. It all came back to having that time to reconnect as a family.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.   1 Peter 5:10

More than anything, our week in Colorado was about restoration--of our minds, hearts, and souls. We grew closer to each other and closer to God. Jesus was shining through every single staff member and volunteer who served us that week. We felt the love of Christ. We discovered a new sense of peace, hope, and purpose. We found joy. It was a reset we all needed.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.   Romans 15:13