The Waiting Game

Every Monday I receive a text from our local Christian radio station.  It contains a short prayer and an accompanying Bible verse.  When I read today's message, I said a prayer and moved on about my day. Little did I realize this verse would all but shout at me later on.

First off, I must say I am so thankful for an uneventful weekend here in our home away from home.  The fevers Paige spiked on a nightly basis last week finally subsided, and we were able to discontinue an antibiotic that had been wreaking havoc on her stomach.  We joked that one of our PCA's (the awesome ladies that take care of vitals among other things) chased the fever away with her "Whip and No Fever Nae Nae" dance outside our door...that lady is a hoot!  Transfusions of red blood cells and platelets went very smoothly, and we began to see Paige's energy and appetite come back.

While we were happy to see the fever and other general yucky feelings go away, we were also hit with the realization that Paige's hair was making yet another exit from her head.  It came as no surprise considering the chemo she received a couple of weeks ago--but it certainly wasn't easy to watch again.  Her beautiful curls, which she had finally begun to embrace, were coming out in clumps on her pillow. Paige made the decision to go ahead and have us shave off the rest--just another demonstration of the incredible strength of this girl.  She is fifteen--and losing her hair for the fourth time in less than two years.  As I've told her many times before, I need her here more than we need that hair.  Besides, she does rock that bald look!

Okay...back to today's verse.  The prayer was about trusting God moving in our lives even when we can't see it.  About asking Him to calm our spirits as we wait for Him.  It's not the easiest thing to do, and I have continued to seek that peace and calm assurance I felt upon Paige's original diagnosis.  We are about three weeks in on this 'relapse detour,' and I am still waiting on that peace.  In the meantime, my head and heart are battling it out--and I'm a mess. 

We received a sort of one-two punch today.  First up was the news that after the initial round of hardcore chemo, Paige still has leukemia blasts present in her blood.  She is not yet in remission, so sometime in the very near future she will undergo another bone marrow aspirate.  This will allow her doctors to determine the safest and most effective way to get rid of the remaining cancer cells.  

Once remission is achieved, we move to the next part of treatment--a bone marrow transplant.  Boyce, Jeremy, and I were tested a few weeks ago in the hopes one of us would have that perfect compatibility.  That delivered the second punch of the day--none of us matched my precious girl, so it's on to the national registry to locate a match.  

So for now we wait.  Wait on blood counts.  Wait on procedures. Wait on a plan.  I believe with all my heart God is still working here.  A sweet friend reminded me today that He is a healer, a conqueror, a miracle worker.  Though I struggle with the 'why' on a daily basis, I will continue to thank God for the healing He has done--and the healing yet to come for this beautiful girl.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.   Romans 12:12