A Holiday Blessing

Easter Sunday is a time of celebration.  After paying the ultimate price for our sin, Jesus rose from the dead in three days' time.  He is our Redeemer.  Our Savior.  Our Hope.

As a child, I loved Easter.  Not only did it mean my grandma would take me to find a pretty new dress, it meant dyeing (and then hunting) eggs and a visit from the Easter Bunny.  However, before any egg hunting commenced or chocolate bunnies lost their ears, we went to church to celebrate Jesus' resurrection.  Hymns and sermons delivered messages of God's love, the gift of hope we have in Christ, and promises of His abundant mercies and faithfulness.  

When Paige and Jeremy came along, the traditions continued.  The kiddos would wake to discover small treasures delivered by their long-eared bunny friend.  Most of the time, they could talk us into "just a small piece" of candy before we dressed in our Easter outfits and headed to church.  This was followed by a lunch spread at their grandma's house that included ham, homemade mashed potatoes, and various fruit and vegetable dishes.  Once everyone was nice and full, it was time to get busy hunting eggs.  

This year would be different.  With Paige's next phase of treatment delayed by an unplanned hospital stay, it appeared that she and I would be spending Easter in the hospital for a chemotherapy treatment.  Trying to prepare for our family to be separated again--on a holiday, no less--was quite the emotional challenge.  Thursday's clinic visit brought the news that she did not make counts to start that day, so we were sent home to rest, recover, and try again the following week.  

What a blessing this turned out to be!  Because Paige had gone a little over a week with no chemo, her energy and spirits were in great supply.  She helped decorate the traditional Easter Bunny cake and even felt like egg hunting with her brother and cousin!  Due to low infection fighting abilities, she was unable to attend church with her brother and me--but make no mistake.  This girl knows she is living proof of the hope we have in Jesus Christ.  The smiles, laughter, and contagious joy coming from her today combined to create an incredible blessing!

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.   Romans 12:12

Incredible Courage

...Be strong and courageous...for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.   Joshua 1:9

Over the course of three months, I have watched my daughter transform from a teenage girl with typical teenage concerns to a young woman battling illness with grace and maturity far beyond her thirteen years.  I have been by her side through lumbar punctures, blood transfusions, and chemotherapy treatments.  I have held her hand and comforted her through nausea, fever, and even fear and anxiety that accompanied three ER visits.  Through it all, I have discovered she is quite possibly the most courageous person I have ever known.

Today was no exception.  Three months of intense chemotherapy have taken their toll on my daughter's beautiful hair.  Because it would be a while before it would grow back, Paige has been adamant about keeping as much as she could for as long as she could.  She came to the conclusion this week that it was time to let the last few strands go.  She was ready to move forward.

We called upon a trusted friend to help us in this endeavor--there was nobody else Paige would let near her head. :)  Missy made sure Paige was comfortable--in case she was experiencing any sensitivity on her scalp--and got to work.  A few minutes--and lots of tears--later, it was done.  That last bit of what we called "chemo hair" was gone, and Paige's head was now as soft and fuzzy as the day she was born.

I held her hand the whole time, trying to reassure her she is still totally and completely beautiful.  That this is temporary.  That her hair will one day return.  And then I was silent--which is probably what she needed the most at that point.  Just a few weeks ago, she 'warned' me that once the hair was gone, she would need to cry and be upset for a bit, so I am giving her that time.  She's more than earned it.

My daughter's beauty is not defined by the clothes she wears or the hairs on her head.  It comes from within--and her heart, strength, and courage shine through as a glorious testimony to God's amazing grace.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment...it should be that of your inner self...   
1 Peter 3: 3-4

Our Journey Continues - ER Visits & Hospital Admits

Three months since diagnosis and beginning treatment.  Three smooth administrations of a particular drug that gives her major anxiety due to its risk of allergic reaction.  Three months of constant prayer and praise--remember, there is always a reason to be thankful. :)  Three great reports--cancer cells gone from marrow, cancer cells not present in spinal fluid, and mass on chest gone! God is so good!

Thankfully, Paige's body tolerated the first two phases of treatment with no significant side effects--'just' the occasional nausea, loss of appetite, and imminent hair loss.  While these things are no doubt difficult for a 13-year-old girl, they really are among the minor effects of chemotherapy--so we'll deal with 'em. 

For about two months, the only trips we made to TCH were for weekly clinic visits and chemo.  Then another three came to be: Three visits to the emergency room.  Over the course of a month, we were initiated into the world of ER visits for oncology patients.

Visit #1: Slight temperature after a particularly long day of chemotherapy.  While fever is a side effect of several of the medications, it is also something that is never taken lightly for kiddos with central lines--too much risk for infection.  They drew a ton o'blood for cultures and immediately started antibiotics.  After a few hours of monitoring, we were cleared to go home.

Visit #2: Nosebleeds that wouldn't ease up.  They put a slight damper on her weekend retreat with other teen oncology patients.  A visit to the ER led to the discovery her platelets were basically at zero.  Platelets allow the blood to clot, which explained the nosebleed issues.  Transfusions of platelets and red blood cells made for a long visit, but we made it home about 14 hours later.

Visit #3:  Another slight temperature after chemotherapy.  This time around, however, there was an added complication.  After being slammed with chemo for 12 weeks, Paige's body lacked the ability to fight infection.  This trip found us experiencing a new protocol--in the trauma room.  Doctors and nurses seemed to descend on Paige in the blink of an eye.  Though the procedures were similar to our first visit, simply being in the trauma room caused such anxiety for her that her heart rate stayed elevated until we were moved to a regular ER room. 

Paige's infection fighting cells (hereby referred to as ANC) had dropped to zero, which called for automatic hospital admission.  She would receive a red blood cell transfusion and stay on two preventive antibiotics until blood cultures were analyzed over a 48-hour period.  The doctors were great about updating us on the cultures, which by the way, never grew anything!  God gets all the glory on that one!

**We're now on Day 5 of this hospitalization, and the nagging low-grade temperature has finally subsided.  Paige's blood counts have risen and held steady, the one exception being the pesky ANC count that is holding up her release.  After five days of being in close quarters--just the two of us--we are ready to break out of here.  Being separated from her dad and brother is tough, but we all understand the reasoning behind our extended stay.  It is crucial to make sure everything is 'normal' before sending her home.  We are extremely thankful for the doctors, nurses, and other staff God has placed all around her.  They are doing a fabulous job caring for our girl!

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When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.   Psalm 56:3

Over the last three months, we have learned more and more about what it means to place complete trust in God's plan for our lives.  Fear and anxiety are replaced with prayer and peace.  There are times this journey is both physically and emotionally draining, but it is never spiritually draining.  Instead, it is an incredible testament to God's power, mercy, and grace! 

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.   1 Peter 5:7

Fearless

I sought the Lord, and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.   Psalms 34:4

Paige has never been one to be afraid of trying something new--in fact, she usually dives right in.  First day in a new school?  No problem--see ya later, Mom!  Church camp, several states away?  It's gonna be awesome!  See you in a week!  The independence that sometimes can be a little too present is the same trait that pushes my daughter to step out and find new adventures.  

This past weekend she attended a two-night retreat with about 20 teen oncology patients and a small team of hospital staff members.  Held at a camp just outside of Houston, it was a time for these kids to connect with others facing similar challenges.  More importantly, it was a time for them to just hang out and be kids.  Recreation.  Team-building. Fun & fellowship.  It was Paige's first time away since her diagnosis, and though we both experienced a slight amount of separation anxiety, it was wonderful hearing the excitement in her voice as she relayed the events of the weekend.

The timing of the retreat couldn't have been better.  Beautiful weather and her last week in the consolidation phase of treatment made it a time of celebration, a time to recharge before moving ahead.  This phase involved intense chemotherapy, and Paige's physical strength has not yet returned to match the levels of her inner strength.  That said, she was unable to climb a rock wall to do a zip line--one of her favorite things to do.  In her own words, "I knew my limits and didn't want to hurt myself."  She wasn't the only one who had to forgo the zip line--but they all participated in a team-building challenge that ended in a water attack on their counselors! 

The connections made were perhaps the most important times of the weekend.  They shared stories and thoughts, conquered fears and celebrated hope, and even recorded a song.  Each camper spoke or sang a few lines about what being fearless means to them.  Everyone sang the chorus, which was written by one of the staff members.

 Chorus:

     Take a dive, take a chance.

     Shake the fear from your hands.

     Take a breath, another try.

     Just close your eyes and be fearless.

Paige was so excited to play the song for me that she immediately dug it out of her bag when we stopped for drinks on the way home.  Listening to these amazingly strong people express thoughts and feelings about their own journeys brought tears to my eyes.  They are experiencing things most of us could never imagine and are all the stronger for it!  Being fearless doesn't mean you are never afraid--it is instead a way of overcoming fear and replacing it with victory.

I end this post with Paige's contribution to the song.  I may be a bit biased, but I think she hit the nail on the head!       

"My faith in God has helped me be fearless because I put all my faith in Him, knowing that He will take care of me and I will be okay."  -  Paige Lejeune, March 2014

A Father's Love

It's no secret I'm in absolute awe of Paige's amazing strength, endurance, and all-around spirit as we journey toward her healing.  I'm also touched by the genuine compassion her younger brother has shown along the way.  It's time to recognize another person integral in Paige's story: her daddy.

From the first breath she took, Paige has been a daddy's girl.  She would have held that title even earlier had I agreed to find out whether God was blessing us with a girl or a boy.  I maintain it was the best surprise either of us ever received (I gave in the second time around--a 'being prepared' kinda thing).  Sharing excitement over first steps and first words.  Sharing every major event in her life, good and bad.  Boyce is her champion, her knight in shining armor--every single day.

As you might imagine, the three of us are not lacking in time together. :)  Clinic days are quite long, and Boyce's work schedule can usually flex enough for him to accompany us.  To pass the time, we take puzzle books, novels, iPads, snacks--and just about anything else that we can stuff into our bags.  Like most of the other families, we head into clinic with bags and blankets, ready to settle in for the day.  Paige lovingly refers to her dad as our 'pack mule.'   Call me crazy, but I think he's okay with that. :)

Not only does he try to work around Paige's appointments, Boyce works late almost every Saturday so Jeremy can participate in his youth bowling league.  If school events or other clinic times warrant more flexing, he doesn't hesitate to switch shifts when needed.  This man works to provide for our family in every way he can--and we love and appreciate him more than we could ever fully put into words.

Commitment.  Dedication.  Love.  I have known this man for almost 20 years (holy cow--has it been that long?!?) and have never questioned his devotion to the life we have made together.  From the births of our beautiful babies to what has become our new way of 'doing life,' I am so very thankful for this husband and father who loves God and our family with all his heart.  

As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him.   Psalm 103:13

We're Going to Boston (in spirit, anyway)!!!

Shortly after Paige's diagnosis, I connected with a fellow teacher in the district.  She, too, is a runner--though my running resume pales in comparison to hers.  You see, she's a marathon runner.  A Boston Marathon runner.  A 2013 Boston Marathon survivor.  Yep, God has put some pretty special people along our path! :)

Ruth shared her story with me, from the thrill of the run to the traumatic events that cut the day short. At one point she wasn't sure she wanted to take part in that race again, but something led her to give qualifying a try.  Even after qualifying, she wrestled with the decision of participating--until she heard Paige's story.

Inspired by my daughter's strength and determination, Ruth plans to run this year's Boston Marathon in celebration of Paige's amazing spirit.  This wonderful woman chose to join the ranks of Paige's supporters and honor her in a most unique way!  **Ruth has asked those wishing to sponsor this endeavor make a donation to Paige's Go Fund Me account set up by a family friend. 

Strength.  Determination.  Courage.  These traits abound in runners and patients alike.  Though they differ in obstacles faced, the goal is the same:  Finish STRONG!

...let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.   Hebrews 12:1

We Press On

Faith.  Peace.  Joy.  Hope.  These are not simply words to me--they're a way of life!  In case you're wondering, here's how:

* Unwavering faith in God's healing power and amazing grace.
* Indescribable peace in the face of a storm (aka leukemia).
* Unspeakable joy in learning Paige is cancer-free and in remission!
* Rejoicing in the hope of restored health for our daughter.

I have smiled so much the last 24 hours my face hurts.  I feel like I have to keep catching my breath--or pinching myself--to make sure I'm not dreaming.  Paige's remission is an amazing gift, one for which I give God every bit of the glory!

The journey doesn't end here, however.  We have cleared the first few miles in this marathon of hope and healing--again, God gets the glory.  In order to prevent cancer cells from returning and reclaiming Paige's body, several more months of intense chemotherapy are necessary.  Depending on the phase and medications administered, these treatments will take the rest of her hair (yes, she's still hanging on to a few strands), lower blood counts (requiring occasional transfusions), and just plain zap my girl of her energy.


It's a long road we're facing, but we will press on and take it one mile at a time.  When Paige's strength is down, mine must be multiplied.  Hebrews 12:1 reminds us to "run with endurance the race that is set before us."  God gave us this journey for a reason, and we intend to get to the finish line with even more faith and hope than we had at the start!

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This song has really been speaking to me lately.  It's all about hope, faith, and peace that passes understanding...My Hope is in You  by Aaron Shust.  Click on the linked song title to give it a listen--maybe it'll bring something to you as well! :)