*Foreword: This post is just a bit different, as I go back and forth between the recent storm that hit our area and the storm of childhood cancer that hit our family. Both call for strength. Both call for help from others. Both call for continued hope.
Just over a month ago, the Texas Gulf Coast was pounded by Hurricane Harvey. While our area was spared some of the strong winds, we received rain. And more rain. And still more rain. What began as a 'typical' storm threat quickly became a major flooding event as we found ourselves on the 'dirty' side of Harvey.
As longtime residents of Southeast Texas, we've seen our share of storms. We know to prepare. We know to 'hunker down' or evacuate if needed. We pay attention to forecasts and usually make it through unscathed.
Harvey was different. It rained. And it rained. And it rained some more. We watched as water covered the street and then the sidewalk before making its way up the yard. In the 16 years we've lived in this house, I don't know that water has ever made it past the sidewalk. For several hours it looked as though we might even end up with some in the house. A panic came across me like nothing I've felt in a long time.
You see, once upon a time, I wasn't super concerned with our 'stuff' when storms came our way. I always felt like though it would be hard, things could be replaced. It's people that are irreplaceable. As long as our family was together, that's what mattered. We evacuated (along with just about everyone else in our area) when Hurricane Rita was a threat. We 'hunkered down' at my mom's through Hurricane Ike, again leaving our house. I had my husband. I had my kids. We were good.
Then Paige left us, and I discovered there really was stuff that could never be replaced. Things she made. Things of hers. As the water got closer to the house and we realized it really could end up coming in, I frantically begin putting as many things in bins as I could. I'd already packed a couple of small storage bins when we cleaned out her room in November--but there were many things I hadn't yet had the energy to go through. Things that needed more time before revisiting. Thanks to Harvey, I had to deal with those things right then and there. Jewelry. T-shirt quilts and pillows. A plaster mold of her hand they made for us the night she passed away. And I was a mess. I don't know if it was PTSD or what--but that added to grief plus the stress of the unknowns with the storm--and it was a full-blown meltdown for this momma. I think realizing there were some things I really can't replace just served as another reminder my baby isn't here.
I spent a lot of time crying over the course of the days we were stranded inside. A whole lot. We are in the middle of a very tough couple of months--and knowing I might lose all I physically had left of Paige broke me. It simply broke me. When I thought I couldn't break any more--that my heart had already shattered as much as it could--I broke. Now, I'm just praying that God will start putting some of those pieces back together. I know He will. He's amazing like that. How else can I explain the fact that I can get up every day and be a (mostly) functioning member of society? But God. He is with us through the calm and through the storm. Every kind of storm.
Our first cancer storm--known as T-Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia--came ashore January 2014. We saw it as a challenge--but one we could get through as long as we were together. The second one hit in September 2015, and it was stronger than the first one. It would take much more to weather it, but again--we had faith we would make it to the other side. Together. Then came that third and final storm in July 2016. The one that hit with such a vengeance that recovery efforts for this one would be for three of us, not four. And it was devastating.
Harvey did his best to cause widespread devastation--and it was heartbreaking. We stayed safe and dry. For that we are so very thankful. We very well could have found ourselves losing everything we had. My heart truly goes out to everyone who was affected by this unprecedented storm. To those who suffered great losses, I am so very sorry. I will continue to pray for God to give you strength and to equip you with everything you need as you take this detour you never saw coming. It will be difficult, but He will provide. He will sustain you.
I can only guess that sounds cliché coming from someone whose home was spared. The thing is--our family has also been traveling a road we never saw coming. A path very different from anything we ever imagined. We didn't lose our home, but we lost a giant part of our home and a huge piece of our hearts when Paige went to be with Jesus. The days can be long and difficult. They can test us in ways we never thought possible. But no matter how tough those days can be, we always make it through. God has been with us the entire journey. He provides calm in the storms. He guides our steps. He gives us hope. He helps us weather the storms.
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