A Little Reflecting

Today marks eight months since Paige's leukemia relapsed.  A little over eight months ago we were in the beginning stages of planning her Make-a-Wish trip.  We had started a new school year--Paige, Jeremy, and Mom--full of excitement and hope.  When the rug was pulled out from under us on Labor Day, every single feeling from her original diagnosis in January 2014 came rushing back.  Disbelief.  Helplessness.  Brokenness.  Paralyzing fear.  Every. Single. One.

We have come so far in these last eight months.  A battle to hit remission once more.  Bone marrow transplant.  One bump in the road after another...and another...and another.  As frustrating as this whole process is, I will not stop giving thanks and praise to God for the work He is doing in our lives.  He gives us strength when it feels we have none left, peace to calm us when we're at the end of our ropes, and renewed hope in His plan for our family.  Every. Single. Day.

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This post is coming to you from the 14th floor at Hotel TCH.  Yes, we are back--our third admission in three weeks.  Paige was admitted with a fever last night, so we are playing the all-too-familiar waiting game.  Waiting on lab work.  Waiting to see what her temperature will do.  Waiting.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.  In the good old days, we would go to church, enjoy a nice lunch, and visit Grandma later that afternoon.  Our plan this year was to hang out at home, as Paige is not yet able to be around large crowds.  Grandma would have received her gift when she came to the house today.  I guess I should know by now we don't really "do" plans these days.  Life has turned into a "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of thing--and it's really hard for my Type A self to handle at times.

Back to Mother's Day--I'm sort of all over the place today, but that's life as a Cancer Mom turned Bone Marrow Transplant Mom turned Mom Just Trying To Keep It Together.

I thank God for the honor of being a mom.  I'm a bit biased, but I happen to think my kiddos are pretty amazing.  In each of them I see courage, perseverance, and strength.  In each of them I see a light that shines bright with hope for the future.   They are my heroes.   They make me want to do better, to be better.

I thank God for blessing me with an incredible mom.  Not only is she still standing after the storms she has faced, she does everything in her power to keep me standing these days.  She is a fantastic mom and an out-of-this-world Gramoo.  She is my hero.  I can only hope to achieve that kind of awesomeness one day.

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God is at work here.  I trust Him.  I trust His plan.  I trust He will bring our family out of this closer and stronger than we ever dreamed we could be.  Healing--physical and emotional--is coming.  I just know it.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.   Romans 12:12